There’s an awful lot of toss talked on the Internet. In real life too, of course, but it’s far, far worse on the net. The reasons for this are legion – lack of peer review prior to ‘publication’, the need to blog even if people don’t have anything new to say (and even if they never had anything to say), the social networking opportunities that beg to be fulfilled. It’s considered bad form to point this out or to question every human’s inviolable right to say what they want, all the time, but let’s face it – we are now surrounded by a whirling cloud of invisible bollocks.
(Example: there’s more than app, for the love of God, which enables you to tweet up a random quote, to help you keep up your posting rate during those periods when you don’t have anything whatsoever to say. Which is psychotic.)
Anyway. My point is it’s nice when you discover someone who isn’t talking toss, as I recently did in Dave Pell’s blog at www.tweetagewasteland.com (to which I was steered by Smoking Apples, another blog worth reading, assuming you’re rather too interesting in matters Apple-related). Pell’s blog is great: thoughtful, well-written and generally bang on the nail – and if you’ve got the time to spare, go check it out.
But do you, in fact, have the time to spare?
Real time, that’s actually spare?
I was at a kids’ party yesterday and found myself wondering: what on earth did parents do at these events before the advent of smartphones? Before they could while away the hours as their kids romped under the supervision of an entertainer and then stuffed themselves full of weapons-grade sugar while ignoring the statutory carrot sticks and humous (I have a fantasy about writing a novel from the perspective of a pot of childrens’ party humous, revealing that there’s only ever been one pot in London, which has been circulating around parties for the last ten years, never eaten, always scraped back into the container and then passed on)… what did they do? Presumably they talked. Or watched their kids. Or stared into space and thought about something else. But now they all stand staring down at their phones, finding they have no new emails, monitoring non-critical status updates from people they don’t actually know (in the old-skool sense of ‘know’, which meant to, like, actually, ‘know’ someone), or just catching up on… ‘stuff’. Information. Views. Facts.
And all this, as Pell points out in one post, is uncomfortably like a drug. TV was never this bad. We sit in front of too much TV because it’s easy, or a form of company – not because we have a twitching compulsion to know what’s going on there the entire time. The net is different. It’s far more addictive in quality. I’ve even found I’ve started to consume news merely because there’s cute apps for doing so. I’m reading about stuff that formerly I didn’t care about, just because I can do so in a GUI-lickable way. I don’t think this is making me a better person, or better-informed. I think it’s just plain bonkers, and I’m trying to reign back.
Now that I have an iPad (yes, they’re fabulous, and yes, you want one), I can – and do – set aside discrete chunks of time to consume the web’s rich bounty of information. That’s enough, I’ve decided. I’ve always had my iPhone email set so I have to manually check for new emails, and thinking about all this has inspired me to do something else that I’d been meaning to for a while. I’ve gone through my phone and thrown off (almost) everything that counts as a pointless diversion or too-easy time filler. I’m down to the apps I need to run my life, ones that work best or only at all with the portability of the phone, and a few other cherished trinkets (including a handful of games to occasionally yield a few minutes peace from my beloved child, of course: I’ve not gone totally insane).
I heart my iPhone. My iPhone and I are, frankly, sitting in a tree. But I don’t want my every waking moment sucked down the drain of checking things or monitoring things or reading things that I don’t need (or actually even want – there’s a sizeable neurotic component here) to be doing. The Internet is turning us into obsessive consumers of the unimportant. That’s not good. There’s no point saying it’s merely a matter of impulse control, either. If our species possessed that in large quantities, we’d all be physically fit, perfectly-sized, non-smoking and non-drinking automatons who never got distracted or had affairs or started wars. I’ve met people like that, and they’re no fun at all.
I’m aware this is not a novel observation, and I only really started this now over-long entry to recommend Pell’s blog. For all I know it may be hugely celebrated already – I tend to wander around the web like a rube in the big city, having no clue of what all the hip citizens of the place already take for granted (What are these wondrous buildings with more than one storey? What strange magic informs them?) And yes of course – oh, the irony! – I’m also aware that this post of mine merely adds more words to the great seething pile of toss already out there.
So if you’re reading this while out strolling, or at a childrens’ party, or when you could be doing something else… just stop. Put the phone/iPad/laptop aside. Go do that something else. Stare out that train window. People-watch outside that Starbucks. Stroke the cat with your full attention. Just be. These words are simply not that important – even to me. I should be working on a TV script right now. I’m only typing this because it’s occurred to me, because I feel like it, in the hope that it might be mildly interesting to someone. And I hope it has been, and no – I’m not going to stop reading the web either, and of course spending some time on it isn’t the end of the world. But there are people and things out there that are real, which matter to us, and that will die. The Internet won’t. It is the new vampire – immortal, life-consuming, indifferent to us – and it will be here long after we’re all dead.
On the day we die, we won’t wish we’d read more blog posts or status updates or RSS feeds. We’ll wish we’d spent more time strolling or sitting in a daze, emailing with (genuine) friends, or hanging out in an unencumbered and non-mediated fashion with the people we love… including our own, quiet selves. These are the things that are real. Information is not, views are ephemeral, and facts don’t matter. People don’t have to express themselves on a rolling ten minute cycle, and we don’t have to know what they’re saying.
Deal with the real, not the toss. Start now.
I’ll help, by… shutting up 😉
22 comments
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June 21, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Keith B Walters
How very very true – I have all day been carrying a novel to read and a notebook into which to write my own, and have done neither.
I have, however, found the time to dip into twitter at least six times during the day.
This is me now, logging out of cyberspace, pulling that vampiric cord and getting back to what I should be doing – thank you for the kick up the A.
Much needed.
🙂
June 21, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Bryony Shaw
I completely agree – am now going to close down my netbook. Reminds me of some TV show as a child “why don’t you”…. switch off your tv set and do something less boring instead? We never did.
June 21, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Chris
Everything we type now merely adds to the data pollution. Including this. The amount of data created and stored last year would fill a pile of floppy disks stretching to Saturn (and the bulk of it would be rubbish).
But the blog post above is worth it, if only for the phrase “a whirling cloud of invisible bollocks”. That’s now my new favourite definition of the internet.
June 21, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Rhiarti
I guess that answers the “are you ever coming back to Twitter?” question! Beautiful post, though, and so damn true… even if I am on the internet, having followed your auto-posted Twitter link, reading your blog and writing to it while Angus is trying to talk to me a metre away. Baby steps, right? Baby steps!
June 22, 2010 at 7:10 am
Matt McKenzie
It is interesting, the narcissism on the web. My girlfriend is always ‘popping on’ to Facebook. Just to ‘see what’s happening’. I find this bizarre. I looked at some of the status updates of one of my cousins whom she has befriended (not that they weren’t friends beforehand, you understand. It just wasn’t published as such). It said: “Katherine is soooooo cheesed off that she has to walk Gyles in the rain!!! :(”
Marvellous. My life, for that moment, was now complete.
But wait! There was another status update from dear cousin Katherine half an hour later. “Katherine is soooooo annoyed that she has to give Gyles a bath! :(”
Gyles, I later discovered, was her new dog (I accidentally typed the word ‘God’ in that sentence). Who actually cares about this stuff? Saying that, who actually cares about what I’m writing now?
Which leads me to this point. I have one of those lovely moleskin whatsits that I take with me wherever I go. Very useful thing. If I need to remember something, I write it down. If I have a thought, or a line for a new song I’m writing, or something I’d like to make a note of to refer to later, I write it down. It’s for me. I don’t need or want anyone else to see it.
And, as I’ve mentioned, I don’t have television. I’m a Scout Leader two nights a week, and I run two separate Duke of Edinburgh Award groups to boot, so where I’d get time to watch the blessed thing is beyond me. I enjoy reading too much. And playing my guitar and piano. And listening to the radio, or my CD’s. And talking with my friends. The people I know (as in ‘to know someone’).
A great post. Thank you. I’d better get on with my work, I suppose…
Matt is sooooooo cheesed off he’s not in a pub 😦
(at 8.08am?!? What am I writing???)
Thank you.
June 22, 2010 at 8:27 am
Johnny
I trust you’ve probably seen this. But it sums up your er… rant? fairly well.
Right, I’m off to tweet my facebook status about the overstrong tea I’m drinking (and enjoying) while staring out of the window at a brick wall.
June 22, 2010 at 9:12 am
Rolf Marvin Bøe Lindgren
I have a text about this where I explain the underlying psychological mechanisms.
This is well-known – why e-mail and updates are so addictive.
It’s because we are constructed in such a way that a particular reinforcement schema, called random intermittent reinforcement, is extremely powerful. E-mail and twitter updates and facebook updates follow this reinforcement schema.
Unfortunately, the text is in Norwegian. I don’t know of a similar, popular version in English. I should translate it. But I’ve got too much emal to sift through and I keep getting more all the time.
June 22, 2010 at 4:13 pm
ememess
“random intermittent reinforcement” has the ring of truth, I must say… though I suspect it also has the effect of making people very anxious, too… Stop answering emails and translate 😉
June 24, 2010 at 10:17 am
Chris
Just the phrase “Random Intermittent Reinforcement”sounds interesting enough to inspire me to write something about it (I would seek out more information first, but as Rolf says, there’s nothing out there in English) so that’s my next blog entry sorted then 😉
June 22, 2010 at 4:40 pm
sharon Bezuidenhout
I just spent a week sitting on a beach from first light to after sundown, every day. Just sitting. Staring at the waves and spotting the occasional whale. Saying hi to the dogs who come by for walks. A little conversation every now and again with the crew (I’m on a movie set). I highly recommend it. I might never Tweet again. (Although obviously I checked in tonight and found Ememess had returned and now I’m here and… oh, OK, I see what you mean.)
June 22, 2010 at 10:20 pm
ememess
Sounds like an idyllic week. I had a fortnight with no email a while back, and have to say that I loved it. Life went on.
June 23, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Nicol
Write the humous and stop clogging up my internet 😀
July 5, 2010 at 10:05 am
Gigi Peterkin
I’ve been somewhat absent as I just noticed this post now. have been off Twitter for an age, except for work. and you know what, I still have no time. when did we find time to be on Twitter as much as we were?! and now, with my day off from work, the computer goes off, vampire slayed – or at least incapacitated during daylight hours.
July 6, 2010 at 11:34 pm
ATJ
I love this blog. I’ve just written a book on this subject, but I’m now wondering if anyone will read it. Maybe I should have written it in 140 character tweets and updated my status every hour.
July 11, 2010 at 9:35 pm
ememess
If you’ve written a book on it then you’re evidently fighting the distractions well 😉
July 11, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Eygló Daða
I almost didn’t comment on this but then I thought.. No, I better say something so he’ll know that I spent my babies nap time (oh precious time!) reading this while I could have been reading the book I’m reading (and if you’re feeling guilty by now don’t – I’m struggling with it and only reading it to the end because I managed to make it thus far).
Now I think I’ll take a stroll in the sun instead… thanks for this. 😉
p.s. how would we ever know about Paul the Squid if it weren’t for reading silly things on the Internet?! =)
July 11, 2010 at 9:36 pm
ememess
I hope the walk in the sun made up for the time reading the blog 😉
July 14, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Nick
Hi MMS, not really the place to mention this I know, but you may or may not remember after your bsfa interview I collared you to sign a book and presumptuously told you all about my band’s song we have called “Only Forward” (you humoured me very politely, thank you!). Anyway it’s now on an ep and I’d love to send you a copy, if I just post it c/o your publisher will it make its way to you?
Of course in the meantime you can listen to it at http://www.thelostcavalry.com, but I do have quite literally hundreds of cds to get rid of…
OK, that’s enough shameless self-promotion. Can’t wait for the new book, and thanks again for being so gracious while I waffled on last time! Cheers,
Nick
July 19, 2010 at 8:09 pm
Matt
I’ve been thinking along the same lines for a long time now… I’ve found over the last few days I’ve actually had to force myself to sit down and drink and consume the inconsequential distraction of the internets in order to unwind because I’m so scared of pissing away my life that I’ve actually become overly productive, only doing things that are mentally stimulating and frankly wearing myself out.
I just feel like there’s a wealth of desire to contribute to the sphere of experiences in the world that’s sufficiently sated by the “Share on Facebook” button that plagues so many websites… Actually, that’s a good point – for my next productive act I’ll write a greasemonkey script that strips said monstrosities from intywebs and replaces them with crappy 1990s style gifs that say things like “Draw a picture” and “Write a short story” and sit around smugly yearning for the days when people used the internet for sharing the different ways to tie your laces and warez (all whilst being referred to as a webmaster).
But seriously, I’ve just started reading some of your books (I’ve read One of Us and I’m reading Only Forward) and I feel like I’m learning a lot whilst I’m doing something genuinely relaxing. You write dialogue and monologues so beautifully 🙂
Thanks for creating.
July 20, 2010 at 4:39 pm
ememess
Delighted to hear you’ve enjoyed the books… And am impressed at a lifestyle in which you have to shoe-horn moments of time-wasting into excessive productivity. I must try to follow that lead…
And do please write those grease monkey scripts. That sounds fun.
[CLICK HERE to share your current breath on Facebook]
August 9, 2010 at 9:15 pm
@cherrymorello
When I get sucked into the cyber whirlpool (which is daily, frequently..) I have to make the effort to clamber out and remind myself the best app is real life, real trees, real smelly dogs, real ripples on the river. My cat salutes you Mr Emess, as I make a vow to cuddle her with two hands and not furtively play angry birds over her shoulder 😉
August 14, 2010 at 2:12 am
Nicol
Forgot to mention:
http://www.internetisshit.org 😀